Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
