Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
