if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
