I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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