Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
