You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
