it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
