Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
