I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
