"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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