my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
