You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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