my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
