He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
