Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
