I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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