We won't sleep together?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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