I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
