idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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