yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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