She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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