it was like eating out sand paper
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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