I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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