sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize