Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
