The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
