She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
