Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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