This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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