Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize