My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
