Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
