i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
