Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
