when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
