I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
