Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
did i walk over a car last night?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
