Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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