I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
