i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
