My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
