Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
