If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So much rum. So many feels.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
