Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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