My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we're making bets on your personal life
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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