If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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