are you still at the devil's house?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize