i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
