Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
