Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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