Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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