Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
