Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
