Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
