Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
