I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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