based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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