so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize