i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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