i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
