I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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