Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
