careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
