So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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