You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
