Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
