drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
