just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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