In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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