I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So drunk its hurt
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
