I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
