Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
