you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize