I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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