Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
