Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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