My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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