Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
