She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
