Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Randomize
