So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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