After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
