I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize