I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize