Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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