This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
