dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
