my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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