i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
