so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
