I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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