just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
