I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
