Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
