Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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