Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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