I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
