You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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