You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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