I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
