I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize