Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
