Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
