i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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