He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
