I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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