please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
